Tuesday, February 12, 2008  | Hang it on the Cross
Current mood:  tired
Category: Blogging
HANG IT ON THE CROSS If you have a secret sorrow, A burden or a loss, An aching need for healing... Hang it on the cross. If worry steals your sleep, And makes you turn and toss If your heart is feeling heavy... Hang it on the cross Every obstacle to faith, Or doubt you come across, Every prayer unanswered..... Hang it on the cross For Christ has borne our brokeness And dearly paid the cost To turn our trials to triumph... Hanging on the cross. Anonymous
I saw this at my daughters school and thought that I would share it. This really touched my heart. Especially with all that has been going on for the last 2 years. And I know that many of my friends need to read this as well. I have some of the worlds best friends and I don't know what I would do without them. I see us all going through every day facing our own problems, bumps in the road, fears and tears, and just praying for everyone to get out of it all safely. No matter what it is that you are dealing with, know that you, my friends, the ones that have been with us through the ups and downs are always in my heart and I pray that the problems you face will resolve quickly and easily and that you will be spared anymore pain. Somedays I know that we all feel like we are tired of being tested, like it should be someone elses turn and that we can't possbily bear anymore... I know that I have had many days like that. But it is in those times when we learn who are true friends are, and we learn that we can survive it, even when we feel like we truly can't bear to cry another tear. So many of you inspire me with your strength and courage! And I don't know what I would do with out you. Especially when we hit times like last week - when so much was up in the air and we didn't know what type of bacterial infection he had, how he would handle the meds, if they would work, when we would be home etc. I hated being away from MySpace because it was then that I needed my friends, I needed that support. But I know that we had it, I knew when my mom sent me some of the messages and I knew when I got home and finally read the rest of them. I just wanted to let you all know that Donavynn is doing very well and the huber needle comes out Thursday night! We can't wait! I hate having it in at home, it makes me so nervous! Incase any of you were wondering, I have decided to deaccess him myself. I know that I can do it and it will be good for me and him. He'll be happy that he won't have anyone else touching and hurting him and I will have a hands on experience, but I do feel better because I have done this before w/ the supervision of a home health nurse, so that does make it a little easier! :) I guess that is all for now... unless you want to hear about my day, if so keep reading, if not you can close the window now. :)
Today was our MONA meeting (Missouri Nursing Association) - so we had nurse advocacy day in Jefferson City. I have to confess that I really was dreading it and was miserable on the whole drive there but I was pleasently surprised. The conference was pretty boring but then we got to walk up to the Capitol building which was pretty impressive. I was really sorry that I forgot my camera! But we got to sit in and listen to the House and the Senate debates - and I'm happy to say that the bill requesting that APN's be permitted to prescribe controlled substances (legal in 47 other states, we are of the last 3 to not have that approved already! Grrr!) was passed by the senate - so we still have to wait to see if everyone else passes it but so far so good. It was really amazing watching the goings on of politics... can't say that I'll ever want to do it, but I know that it is a possibilty because they strongly advise nurses to be advocates and lobby to our representatives about the things that are important to us. There were some interesting (not legitamate! lol) points made on the argument and I was livid when I heard Senator Cass say that if APN's are able to prescribe controlled substances that we would have more problems like with Heath Ledger - hello idiot, a DOCTOR prescribed those drugs! Not an APN!!! And whoever prescribed them was responsible for explaining to him that it wasn't safe to take more than one CNS depressant at a time. I just love to see nurses getting blamed for stuff they didn't even do! But one of the girls from our school got to speak to him after we left the building and we were rather impressed with her! She did a very good job! Explianing that physicians assistants have less schooling than APN's and they can prescribe controlled substances - but alot of the politicians view it as a turf war between doctors and nurses when in reality it is about helping the patient and if you have a patient that is in terrible pain but you have to wait for a doctor to prescribe the drug it could take hours - and that is hours that the patient is suffering - for example with cancer patients - they need those meds and having to wait for them is simply not acceptable! But anyway, sorry to rant - but it was a very good, educational day! So all is well here, things are getting back to normal. Hope to have time to chat with you all soon. And please know - all of my friends out there who I know are dealing with some things right now, I'm here for you and "Hang it on the Cross"
 | Currently listening :
Back Into Your System
By Saliva
Release date: 12 November, 2002  | | |
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| Friday, February 08, 2008 |
| Home At Last!!!
Current mood:  relieved
Category: Blogging Hello everyone! I just wanted to let everyone know that we are home! They set us up w/ the IV Rocefin and we were good to go. We haven't been home to long and we are just wiped out but I didn't want to leave everyone hanging. Having his port accessed at home will limit the things he can do - as I'm sure that you know 3 year old boys like to rough house! But he is so happy to be out of the hosptial room.
Yesterday was a really nice day. They had the Children's Mercy Pet Pals here so Donavynn got to go downstairs and meet 8 different dogs! He was in heaven! But he was sad when he realized that we weren't taking one of them home w/ us! Lol They were all so well behaved, if you got our dogs around a group that size they would flip out! I wish the people that trained these dogs would come train ours! Lol I got a bunch of pictures and each one of the dogs has a "playing" card so he got one of those and a Polaroid with Sake (Sahkee) who gave him a high five! I got a pic of that w/ my camera as well. And he was also able to go into the playroom yesterday and he loved that! He made a little valentine door hanger and once he was Hep-Locked he ran all over the playroom and "cooked" me lots of stuff to eat. And somewhere in between all of that he actually got a good nap!
Things were much better since we got upstairs. No cranky nurses, very helpful, kind care assistants, Child Life Specialists etc. It is simply amazing the differences that you can see even between floors in a hospital. I can't say that they were all bad because the nurse we had the night we arrived was great but that was the only good one we saw! Lol
So that is about it. I'm going to go and try to upload the pictures of the dogs!
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| Thursday, February 07, 2008 | Update on Donavynn Just a quick update. I'll update again w/ more when we get home TOMORROW! We are being discharged tomorrow w/ once a day IV rocefin. They are having them come teach me how to do it and I'll do it at home and then when he is done I will deaccess him if I'm comfortable with it. If not I can take him to Bothwell to do it. He is still doing very good. He was in the playroom for quite awhile this morning and all is well. Gonna get going just wanted to let all know that things are looking good!!!
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| Wednesday, February 06, 2008 | Donavynn Update Ok here is a brief update for everyone. We still don't know much else. But we are finally on the floor! YEAH!!! I never thought I would be so happy to see this floor. So good to be out of prison! For those of you who I talk to send me a myspace instant message – I am still able to use the myspace chat thing. And I will give you the room number and all if you would like to call.
The day wasn't a total piss off. Donavynn got in a really good nap and Scott – his PCS artist stopped by for awhile. I'm sending the pics to my mom so she'll post them when she has time. They colored together and Donavynn just thinks he is so funny! It was really nice.
Dr. Shore said that either way he needs 10 days of IV antibiotics. So we aren't sure yet if we will be here for the full 10 days or if they will be able to set us up w/ home health so that we can do it at home because he is asymptomatic. He is doing great. It is so nice to see him smiling and feeling good inspite of all of this. I'm losing my mind not being able to talk w/ everyone and post the blogs myself. My mom has emailed me a lot of the messages that were sent and blog comments so I have read a lot of them and I thank you, I just wish that I could respond! GRRRRRR! Either way thanks for all the prayers!
Karen, I'm not 100% certain on the question you asked about the bacteria that he apparently has. I know that it isn't a respiratory thing. If I remember correctly, don't quote me it has been a long time since I took micro but I believe that it can be normal flora (it is common to live on your body, and is kept in check by other organisms, unless it gets into your blood then it can be a problem) I think it can also be a cause of ear infections – if that is the case then we may know where it has come from because the doctor at our local ER told us last night that the right ear does look infected. Which I thought it did Sunday night but the idiot doctor that was there Monday morning said no, so I'm glad we got a second opinion. A lot of this is probably very confusing, I'm all over the place trying to remember everything and I'm running on 3 hours of sleep so this can be difficult. So the fact that it is Gram + is very good. Gram – can be very very bad! So we are happy about this, and like I said can't be 100% but I'm pretty sure that it can be normal flora. As soon as I know what is going on as far as how long we are going to be here and any more test results etc I'll let you know. I better get going, a volunteer just came by with the book cart so Donavynn and I are going to read some stories before we go to bed. I'm so happy to be up here with the GOOD NURSES!!! Lol Thanks for the prayers, they are so appreciated. Ok so if anyone wants to send me an email since I can't check myspace you can contact me at smc37900@ucmo.edu I'm pretty sure that is the correct address. Or if you have myspace chat you can catch me there too when I'm at the pc. Sending love and thanks to all of our prayer warriors!!!
Serena ~ Team Donavynn ~
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| Donavynn’s infection Donavynn's culture showed a Gram Positive streppneumonia. This is better than a Gram negative infection.
If I don't have everything spelled correctly or have worded things wrong, just ask questions. because this is Serena's mom giving this update.
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| Donavynn hospital update
Current mood:  bitchy This is Serena's Mom: Here is the blog that she sent me to post. You can contact her on her myspace IM
Hello everyone, I am sorry I am not able to view any of your messages because of the new retarded filtering system the hospital has installed. I am not allowed to access Myspace so I will be sending updates to my mom and she will be posting them for me, and any updates that we have she'll post when she has time. Ok so this hasn't been a good stay. I've never had a problem with Mercy, but they are just pissing me off this time. There wasn't a room available on the floor so they put him in the PICU. Which has a whole bunch of stupid rules, so bottom line is I was here 2 hours before Donavynn but wasn't allowed in the room until after he was here and settled. Then I get attitude from some jerk about the internet access, so I called my mom to tell her and I get more attitude about using the cell phone. I was up till 4 am, and they are seriously going to harass me. Anyway, sorry about that rant. I'm just so frustrated by everything. On the upside, Donavynn is doing well. We still have NO clue what is going on, or what the plan is. The good thing is that we should have a room on the floor sometime this afternoon. Thank God I can't wait to get off the PICU!!! He slept good, when he was able to. Has eaten two Go-Tarts this morning and is happy and content. I'm sure he hates being in the bed because he doesn't even act sick. We won't really know much more until his oncologist makes an appearance down here. So things are up in the air as to what the bacteria is and how long we are going to be here. Ok I just realized that I got way ahead of myself. Some of you may not know what is going on. Sorry I'm just so tired I'll try to explain. Donavynn had a fever so we went to the ER Monday. They drew cultures and sent us home. Last night they called to tell us that they popped positive for Gram negative and Gram positive cocci. This may mean nothing to you guys so I'll try to explain what we were told. Both of those are different types of bacteria that stain a certain way. They think that Gram positive may be a contaminate (something that contaminated the sample from his skin) because we all have gram positive bacteria living on us. We don't usually have gram negative so they want to investigate this further. If they hadn't called we never would have known because he was acting fine and I didn't think he felt warm. So I checked his temp and it was 100.9 so we went in and here we are. I will try to read and get back to all your messages as soon as we are released from prison! lol But I'll send my mom updates to post as often as possible. Oh just to give you an idea of what may be going on... the most common gram negative bacteria is E. Coli. We don't know what one he has but that is the most common, and it usually is caused by a urinary tract infection but his urine was clean so we are unsure. The good thing is that he is happy! And seems to be feeling well. Now Mommy just has to get her attitude in check before she bites someones head off. lol I'll send my mom pics as well to upload when she has time but I don't know how much she'll be able to do, so bear with us. Please continue to pray that all goes well and we are out of here soon!!! I can't take it anymore and poor Donavynn keeps saying "I just want to go home!"
Since I can't log on myself and say anything I just wanted to thank Amy and Cheryl for everything last night. It means so much that you ladies checked in on us and thanks Amy for distracting me and keeping me awake on my trip up here! It was really great talking to you. Cheryl, I'll try to call you as soon as I can, but I have to try to escape the wardens stare! lmao Love you guys, thanks for the prayers. And thanks Cheryl for posting a prayer request last night! I don't know what I would do w/o all of our wonderful prayer warriors!!!
Much Love to All,
Serena ~ Team Donavynn ~
BTW feel free to bulletin this if you want to update anyone, I have received emails that I have received new friends requests and I'm assuming it is probably related to the bulletins so if we have new prayer warriors out there that need to be updated feel free to bulletin the blogs! Thanks again for everything!!!
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| Monday, January 28, 2008 | Clinic
Category: Blogging Just a quick update. Donavynn had clinic today and all went well. His ANC is 1600. It was shockingly a quick in and out visit. He only needed the Vincristine today, so we just had to sit around and wait for his labs to come back. His rash is gone on his head, face and feet still but the rest of him looks worse. They checked him over and are still pretty sure that it is medication related. And I am hoping that perhaps the steroids will help this month even though they didn't help last month. I am sorry for the short updates but there thankfully isn't much going on except the every day stuff. We are beyond busy w/ the kids, running all over for school and homework. There hasn't been much free time at all. But I do appreciate the messages from all of our good friends checking in on us. Donavynn's 1st night in his new bed went well, last night not so much - Daddy ended up in there and Donavynn in w/ me because Dave didn't want to fight w/ him when we had to be up at 5 am. So hopefully tonight will go better. Wish us luck! lol Sending love, hugs and prayers to all of our friends!!! | |
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| Saturday, January 26, 2008 | Donavynn’s Big Day!!!
Current mood:  excited
Category: Blogging Well it has been such a big day for Donavynn! We decided to get him a twin bed in hopes that he might sleep in his own room and even if he won't sleep in there alone there will be room for me to lay with him. So we got that all up - the before and after pics are uploading right now. It looks awesome! And he seems very happy with it. They are in the Donavynn's Big Boy Bed Album. Also Donavynn has been potty trained for over a year now but for the life of me we couldn't get him to go standing up and with him being so short he always needed help to get up on the potty. Well my mom some how miraclulously got him to go standing up with her so tonight he asked Daddy to help him go and Dave was finishing his sentance w/ me and when he turned around Donavynn was done! He climbed up on the stool, lifted the seat and pulled his pants down and went ALL by himself!!! We are so proud of him! He seems to grow and change so much everyday!!! I happened to run across one of his handprints we made - in February 05! I can't believe how tiny his hand was! I'm just in such an awesome mood after such a big day for him! Cheyenne helped me clean his room up and organize it while Dave gave him a bath and she did such a great job! 
So things are good here. Still crazy busy, but good! Please continue to pray for my friend Karen's husband Rich! He really needs them!
Donavynn has clinic on Monday so I'll try to update after that. Gotta get going because as we were taking care of his room the rest of the house seemed to have experienced a tornado! lol
Have a great night and a wonderful Sunday!!!
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| Tuesday, January 22, 2008 | A Little Happy Dance!
Current mood:  exhausted
Category: Blogging I'm hitting the sack soon but I received a little info today that lifted a huge weight off of my shoulders and I'm so relieved! My clinical instructor talked w/ the head of the nursing deptartment and they are going to come up with a project for me to do instead of attending the health fair on February 25th so I'll be able to spend most of the day w/ Donavynn. I still have assessment in the am but then the rest of the day will be w/ my little man, going to clinic and then something really fun to celebrate his health! I'm still working on moving past the pain and the way that day affects me, but I'll get there someday. For now I'm just trying to work through it this year. Healing comes w/ time as I mentioned in a previous blog. So if any one has any cute ideas of something we can do after clinic that doesn't cost a lot but is fun let me know. I'm sure I can do the normal stuff, but I want to do something special. Either way any time with my children is special time! Getting groggy - have a great week! | |
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| Monday, January 21, 2008 | Quick update before begining the week.
Category: Blogging Our time off has gone very nicely. Donavynn decided that after being away from me for Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday he didn't want to go to school on Thursday, so I let him stay home with me. We got a lot done, playing, cleaning, studying. It was a very productive weekend. We went to the mall on Saturday and as we were getting ready to leave Donavynn said, very excitedly "We're going shopping!" So I told him to tell Daddy that he needed some retail therapy. This scared the daylights out of him and he started walking away from me with this terrified look saying "No, No, No!!!" And then it clicked, all he heard was THERAPY! So I tried to explain to him that retail therapy meant shopping and that I didn't mean Chemotherapy but he still didn't get it. I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. My poor baby, that word will never mean the same thing to him it seems. We also had a little "photoshoot" today because we needed a new picture for the project we did with the handprint. You can see them and the handprint in the January 2008 photo album. I head back to class tomorrow. And things are going really good so far. Donavynn has clinic on the 28th so I'll update after that at the latest. | |
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| Wednesday, January 16, 2008 | Brief blog on the going’s on and some thoughts...
Current mood:  accomplished
Category: Blogging I am so tired and I have so much to say but I don't know as though I will get it all out. But I will try to organize my thoughts enough to say most of it anyway. For starters - it has only been 3 days and I feel so out of the loop, I miss everyone! I still plan on reading the blogs that I always read but I don't know as though I will always have the time to comment like usual. I hope you understand. Thank you to all who have messaged me asking about my first day back and wishing me well. That means a lot. I get to all that but first I want to tell you all about Donavynn.
His rash on his face, head and feet is gone! DOING THE HAPPY DANCE FOR THAT! BUT his body is worse, arms, legs, tummy and back! He looks awful. All those special creams don't seem to be doing anything, so my guess is that this is just something we are going to have to deal with for the next few months until things warm up again and the air isn't so dry. His lip has healed almost completely already and he has been feeling good. He misses me a lot though. He about broke my heart yesterday when I told him that today would be "jammie day" with Nana. He said "Awww, I wanted to have jammie day with you!" It is so nice to feel loved but so hard when I would absolutely love to be here and I have to be there. It breaks my heart. The good news is that I am off for the next 5 days. Thanks to Monday being a holiday and my awesome teacher combining what we were going to do in clinic on Friday with the stuff for today. So I should have plenty of time with the kids during that time. I know that they both will enjoy it. Cheyenne has been absolutely drained from the early mornings. It doesn't seem to matter how early she goes to bed, by the time the day is over she is wiped out. It feels good to be getting back on a routine of some sort. I always feel so lost when I am not in school. I enjoy the time with the kids but every now and then want something else to do.
Ok so I will start working into the school thing now... One bad thing I learned was that we have a mandatory health fair that we have to attend on February 25th. As most of you know that is the anniversary of Donavynn's diagnosis. So that is a day we like to be together as a family. What makes it worse is that the way the calendar looks, I think his treatment day is going to fall on that day. Meaning I won't be able to be with him all day and my mom will have to take him to clinic with out me - I have never missed a clinic day, I am always there with him and I HATE for the 1st one to be on THAT day! I know I am being silly. But the nerves start to set in right now and don't get better until we get past that day. It is like this giant cloud looming over me. I worry non stop all the time but it seems even worse during these months. But I guess I am just going to have to suck it up and get through it. Perhaps I'll see if I can change the appointment day so I don't have to miss it. I don't know! Ok so school is good. I am so happy to finally be taking classes that are teaching me what I want to know - nursing stuff! Pharmacology is going to be really rough but thankfully I took Patho last semester so Pharm should be my hardest class. I'll keep my fingers crossed of that. And it looks that at least for the first month or so the way clinic days are going to fall, I should have a few extra days off a week here and there to try to get ahead and stay ahead. I have met some really nice classmates - and in nursing school, you have to make friends, because they are basically an addition to your family for the next 2 years. We are eachothers support system. For many of them this will be the hardest thing that they have ever done, and there was a time that it would have been the same for me. Not anymore! The good and sad thing is that so much of what Donavynn has endured and the meds he has been on etc has helped me to learn and remember so much! I'm glad that at least some of this will be easy because of that but wish so much that there could have been a different way for me to learn it. I hate the fact that he has had to endure so much! But I know that he is strong and that this battle is only making him stronger. It is just so sad sometimes.
I guess that is about all for now. My mind is beginning to race again so I'm probably missing stuff. But anyway, if anyone has some words of wisdom to help me get through that day, I would greatly appreciate it. And also I wanted to tell you all that I so appreciate everything and miss you all terribly! And I hope to hear from all of you soon - especially Cheryl - I miss talking to you! I hope things are going ok, Karen - I hope that you will keep me posted on Rich, how are things? Amanda - Just call me! And Amy - I enjoyed catching up on some of your blogs today, and hope to be able to catch up with you a little more soon. - For those mentioned above and the others that I talk to you are all in my prayers! If you weren't mentioned or I haven't responed to an email yet, please be patient with me. It has been a complete madhouse for the last few days. Love to all!!! BTW check out the new default! Those are some of the pics from last weekend that a friend put together into a completely adorable siggy!!!
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| Sunday, January 13, 2008 | Little Shoes!!!
My friend Carisa posted this in her blog and it is so beautiful and so perfect that I had to share it with all of my friends!!!
Little Shoes
In the top drawer of her dresser is one pair of little shoes,
And a pair of little booties from which her Mom can choose.
Although she cannot walk just yet, out with her Mom she goes
For strolls in different shades of pink From her head down to her toes.
But soon the little newborn Has to a toddler grown;
In patent-leather party shoes She's walking all alone.
But someone's watching closely, as she takes each shaky stride.
And though she may not notice it, Her Mom is at her side.
The nursery's now a bedroom, The baby's crib is gone.
The little girl is off to school With brand-new sneakers on.
She skips onto the schoolyard With a step as light as air,
While Mom, though smiling bravely, Feels at loose ends standing there.
The little girl grows older, And with each passing year,
Her first high-heels and cowgirl boots Eventually appear.
And then, as if by magic, The little girl is grown.
She wears the latest fashions, Bought with earnings of her own.
Then one fine day she's walking With her father at her side,
In shoes of fine white satin, for now she is a bride.
I wonder where the time has gone, And wistfully recall,
My little girl, in little shoes, So innocent and small.
And now I am a Granny, And Daughter, you're a Mom.
Your little newborn child is The sunshine of your home.
The top drawer of thier dresser Is filled with little shoes,
And many pairs of booties, From which you now can choose.
Cherish each passing moment, The laughter and the tears,
For days go by so swiftly, And gather soon to years.
The little shoes they will outgrow Before you realize,
They will blossom like a summer's rose, Before your very eyes.
Be always there to walk with them, When up against the odds,
Make sure they know that they can count On mother and on God.
And though they'll spread their wings and fly, As all our daughters do,
One day she'll wear a mother's shoes, And she'll come home to you.
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