Fuck you cancer!!!

More than 3 years ago we heard 4 words that we never expected... "Your child has cancer".  In those three years I have seen cancer take so much away from my son and our entire family.  We have taken it in stride and kept our head high, always w/ a positive outlook.  Even after his relapse last September.  I always tell myself that Donavynn doesn't know the difference so this is all harder on us than it is on him.  But as we sit in the hospital 2 days away from his 5th birthday after being told he has an infection w/ gram negative rods, I find myself angry and heartbroken that cancer is now going to take away the fun of his 5th birthday as if it hasn't take enough already!  In more than three years cancer has taken away his hair, his appetite, his freedom to play in the sun for very long b/c the chemo makes him super sensitive to the sun and he's allergic to all types of sun screen, countless playdates, countless nights that should have been spent snuggled up in his own bed, countless tears from needles sticks, dressing removals, LP's, BMB's, and surgeries,  the opportunity to start kindergarten on time, the ability to just go shopping w/ his mommy, or go out to dinner to celebrate, 1 halloween,  his freedom to roughhouse at different times b/c his platelets are low, his energy when his counts are low, and so much more.  And that is just what it has taken from him, that doesn't count all that it has taken away from all who love him.  I am thankful that we caught this early, the doctors are happy w/ how he is looking and acting.  But it surely explains why the GCSF hasn't been working.  Monday he had been on it for 3 days and he is usually completely recovered in 3 days, but this time his ANC was 20, w/ no signs of pending count recovery, which made me nervous.  Now we know that it wasn't boosting his counts b/c everything being produced was being used to fight this infection.  They just drew another CBC b/c his hemoglobin was 8.1 last night, so we are pretty sure he'll be getting a unit of blood today as well.  I will try to keep you updated as things progress, please pray that he will continue to stay strong and will be feeling much better by Friday so that at least he can enjoy his birthday, even if we do have to spend it here in the hospital.