Team Donavynn Says Goodbye to 2008!!!

What a year it has been. With many wonderful highs and some heartbreaking lows. I am anything but sorry to see it go. I only hope that 2009 brings about happier times. 2009 was supposed to be a year of celebrations first Donavynn was supposed to complete treatment in June, and then I was to graduate in December. A year worth looking forward to. Though it won't be quiet that great, I am hopeful that it will still have much more to offer than this one has. This year I learned so much! And as bad as some times were I can't complain entirely because 2008 was the year that I met one of my very best friends and I learned that you don't have to know someone your entire life to feel as if they are a part of your family. And that is exactly how we feel about Rachael and her family. Through every up and every down this year, she was there. She was there the day that Donavynn relapsed and she drove me home, we stopped at her house and had her husband follow her down so that she could get home. She was there throughout the summer helping me plan his benefit that we had believed at the time would get us through until he finished treatment. She was pregnant and had to be exhausted and uncomfortable but she was always willing to help. And she did the same with the most recent fundraiser, even though it was held right at the end of finals week! I was able to be there for the birth of her 3 child, her beautiful little boy Mason. And we helped each other through the ups and downs that come with the second semester of nursing school. After we moved here the hardest part for me was being away from all my friends, and it took a while but I found a true blue friend in her. This may sound corny, but walking through life you meet so few people with hearts as good and kind as her and her family. I have however been blessed enough to meet a few others, like my great friend Abbey. It is nice to see that there is still so much good in the world today.

2008 has brought a lot of heartache to our home as most of you know. The uncertainty of Donavynn's health has been of great concern. His relapse tore us all apart. Though we knew that it was possible, by that stage in treatment I just didn't think it was likely, he was doing so well! It brought back all of those old feelings of resentment and anger toward God. Feelings that I hated to feel, but impossible to shake for awhile none the less. I began to wonder, once again why Dave and I had to fight so hard for him only to have him spend his life fighting as well. He has now spent more than half of his life fighting cancer. I wonder how that is fair. Though I know that life isn't fair, you want to think it would be semi fair when it comes to children. You would like to think that they wouldn't have to endure the pain of sickness, or loss etc. But Donavynn isn't the only one who has been fighting this cancer. We have all been fighting it in our own way. Because when your child has cancer, what that really means is that your family has cancer. Nothing is normal, we were so close to that normal life again, we could just about reach it. The light was so bright at the end of that tunnel and in an instant, it all changed again. My husband and I had to reevaluate everything again, my daughter had to hear the news and try to understand why, she had to try to see what that all meant for her and our lives. She has had to be juggled around and be away from home when Donavynn has to stay in the hospital, whether it is for treatment or illness. Thankfully I have 2 wonderful parents who have been a huge help as well. I don't know what we would do without them. And though she is happy there, it still can't be easy to be away from home, all while wondering what is going on with her brother. For awhile I contemplated putting school on hold again. Though I am glad that I didn't. As hard at it has been, it has been my only normal. My time away. And I need that for my sanity's sake. December proved to have another challenge in store for my daughter and her other side of the family. Her dad was just recently diagnosed with Lymphoma and has a difficult path to take now as well. Cheyenne has had to now try to understand why cancer seems to be all around her. It has however, brought her closer to her dad, or at least that is what it seems like to me. So we have been keeping them in our prayers as well. All of this makes you take a step back and really think about what you want to do with your life. It makes you appreciate the little things even more. For example, Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. This year was especially hard to get into the holiday spirit with all that has happened in the last few months. But I went and rented some holiday movies and sat down with the kids and watched them. I made sure to stick with our yearly traditions, started some new ones, and did what we could for others. This Christmas, inspite of or because of all of the pain in our world right now, was one of the best I've ever had. The kids were happy and full of life, their smiles and laughter lit up the rooms and my heart. I think that we all appreciated the little things even more. For the first time in a long time I felt that Christmas magic.

This year brought new babies to many of my friends! As mentioned above Rachael had Mason, Elisa had Hannah and Mandy had Monika. So through all the pain and disappointments there have many so many good things. So many things to be thankful for, that it makes it hard to feel the pain for too long. After Donavynn's relapse, I blogged about needing a moment to break down and feel the pain. And I did, and sometimes I still do. It is natural, and healthy. But I am thankful that I am able to see through all of that to enjoy the blessings that surround me everyday. I can see through it and see that though Donavynn has a long road ahead, longer than we had planned of fighting, he is strong and a true fighter and has responded very well to treatment. This is good. I can see that though my daughter has had to endure more in her 10 years than some do in an entire lifetime, she is strong and every heartbreak and hurdle molds her into the strong, loving woman that she will someday be. I can see that even when I close myself off from everything around me to take time to throw myself a pity party, I have an amazing husband who will be there for me when I'm ready to talk. Who won't take my silence or my screaming personally. Who knows that every now and then I just need to blow up and then I'll be ok. We have learned so much from each other this year, and even more since this journey as Team Donavynn began. His strength and tolerance through it all is awe inspiring. There are days when I can barely tolerate myself lol So I often wonder how he does it! :) He isn't just an amazing, understanding husband but a terrific father. Every year regardless of what obstacles we get over together we are constantly learning about each other, about how to help each other the best, what we each need at any given time etc. Just when you think you know everything there is to know about someone you learn something else. I really think that I should stay away from blogging when I'm this tired, because a start with a few thoughts and end up with a novel full of ramblings. Either way my point is that I'm not sorry to see 2008 go, and I'll be celebrating to the fullest, screaming the loudest I've ever screamed when we ring in 2009, but even with all the bad. There is always good!!! After every storm the sun always comes out to show us what the rain has brought - new life, and with it hope for a better tomorrow.

Staying Home Again...

Well it has been a really long day. I didn't get back to sleep until 6 this morning and then I had to take him to get his counts checked. After that we had to hang at my moms because my dad and Dave were fixing the leak. They finally finished and Nancy finally called his ANC is only 425 and it needs to be at least 750 to start the next round of treatment. So we'll have his counts checked again next Wednesday and if all is well he'll be admitted next Thursday. He has been feeling great, very playful and happy. The upside is that we'll get to spend New Years Eve at home with friends. And Dr. Shore said that these delays are expected. I wasn't the least bit surprised because the Cytoxan usually drops the counts hard and they were still 500 last week so I figured that they'd probably drop some more. I don't have all his other counts yet, but his platelets are over 300, his total white count is 2,000ish and his ANC is 425, and those are the most important numbers.

So the upside of the household disaster is that they were able to get the leak fixed. Whoever put the piping in before did a half assed job so it was basically a water bomb waiting to explode! The other good thing is that though it is really wet and nasty there was no sign or smell of mold. So we just now need to get it all dryed out so that none grows and gut that mess as soon as we are financially able. So I am obviously still worried because you never know what you will find the more you tear out, it could be worse than we think it is. But hopefully all is well. I'm just grateful right now that Donavynn is feeling ok. He had a sore throat last night and a cough but he hasn't had any problems today. I'm praying that it stays that way. Ok I'm exhausted and I gotta get some stuff done aroud here so I'll go for now. Thanks for the prayers.

Trouble Sleeping

It is just after 4 in the morning and I've been lying awake for 45 minutes now. I'm hoping that if I write all this crap down that is going through my head that perhaps I'll be able to squeeze in at least another hour before Donavynn wakes up. Everyday I worry about him. I worry that he could get sick, I worry that, well I can't even write the words because it hurts too bad to think it. And last night I got another reason to worry. We noticed that there is a weak spot in one of our bathrooms, right near the tub. We assumed it was from the floor getting wet after baths, or even the flood we had in there in July after the pipe broke. We also assumed that we would just fix it when we got our tax money and that it would likely be no big deal. Until my dad and Dave started digging around and removed the panel that shows you the plumbing to the tub. There it was discovered that the pipes have been leaking for God only knows how long and the entire floor under the tub is completely rotted. So this isn't going to be a simple easy fix. And my dad said he thinks it is far too wet for mold to grow because mold needs damp not a freaking puddle. But I still worry. Donavynn is extrememly immunosuppressed, what if there is mold? Obviously the problem needs to be fixed and Donavynn and I will have to stay with my parents while it is being done... but I'm still going to worry. I know that worrying doesn't really help anything but I can't help it, its in my nature. I just can't believe this nightmare. So my dad is going to come fix the leaking pipe tomorrow so that that mess can start to dry out and then as soon as we get our tax money we have to gut the bathroom. I'm telling you, if I had had my way we would have rented forever. Owning a home sucks! Last year it was the furnace, now this.

Anyway, I have to take Donavynn to check his counts when we get up to see if he can be admitted tomorrow. But he has been complaining of the same sore throat that Cheyenne and I have had for the last two days. He doesn't have a fever thankfully but his throat is red and irritated and he does have a cough. So tonight I put the vicks pad in the vaporizer and that seems to have helped, he isn't congested or coughing for now. I just hope that it clears up on its own and soon. I wonder what the protocol is for that if there is no fever but there is a sore throat will they go ahead with treatment? I'm eager to see what his counts are. I don't even know how I'm going to make it through the next 2 years. February is going to be marking our third year of this battle and it doesn't get any easier. I was finally to the point where I was feeling good about things when he relapsed. Now his counts are constantly low which alters so much of our lives and makes things even harder than they were before. I just need to sleep but to do that I have to have a clear head. I don't remember the last time that I had a good nights sleep. I wonder if I'll ever know what that feels like again.

On the upside, if you haven't noticed from the pictures, Donavynn's swelling has gone down finally. His belly went down right away but it took him a long time to lose that moonface look the steroids give. And now he is finally starting to look like himself again, only bald. I've finally adjusted to that look again, though I miss his hair. It does help that he likes to be bald. And that he has a little ring of hair around the back of his head like balding men do, like Dr. Shore does! lol And Donavynn will tell anyone who will listen "I look like Dr. Shore!" Which cracks me up, especially when he told the good doctor that himself!

I have spent the last two days cleaning, weeding things out and trying to get organized. And Donavynn was a great help with that. He loves to help and it is so nice that he is currently feeling well enough to do so. I was so excited the other night because I made brocolli to go with dinner and Donavynn loves that so I thought that for once he would join us for dinner - most of the time he doesn't because he only eats when he wants to because his appetite is so poor due to the chemo. And he did sit down, he took two bites and got sick. Which to me is expected, I've been dealing with this a lot so you clean it up and move on. No point fretting about it. But it causes Dave to worry, he has asked a lot if it is ok that he hasn't really been eating. And I just tell him that they are happy if he is drinking and he does eat, just not that much. They keep an eye on his weight etc and will let us know if they are concerned. It just goes to show you, I'm not the only one in this house that is worrying, it's just I seem to worry about the bigger things that can go wrong. A poor appetite has been something he has been dealing with for 3 years now. But it is good to see Dave being more involved in everything. Don't get me wrong he is a great dad, I couldn't ask for a better father for my kids. But for a long time he distanced himself from anything that had to do with the cancer. I think that was his way of coping. Which is fine, we all handle it differently. But it has been much easier on me, and taken a little of the load off of me recently since he has started to become more involved in his treatment and the day to day things that come with it. It has also seemed to make Donavynn happier too. He has really enjoyed the times that Dave has been able to stay with us at the hospital. I must admit that is pretty nice. But sadly he can't do it all the time, because he only has so much time he can take off and still get paid. Still any little bit helps us out a lot. It lifts Donavynn's spirits and gives me a little break every now and then. Well I'm sure by this point I'm rambling and I'm hoping that my mind is cleared enough now to sleep. Good night or good morning, whichever you prefer at this hour. I'll post again when I have his counts.

A Very Merry Christmas!!!

First let me say Merry Christmas to everyone! It was a wonderful day, I couldn't have asked for more. 3 months ago I never would have been able to picture a Christmas so full of joy, but it went way beyond our expectations. After presents were opened my parents came over with Derek and we opened more presents, then the kids spent the day playing with their many cool toys! We got some great gifts from our Cancer Warriors Christmas Angels. And we were so blessed to have another angel helping our family this year. My 2nd semester clinical instructor sent some gifts for the kids as well and helped to brighten their day as well. I haven't seen a house so crazy with play since I was a kid at Christmas. I think that might be because the older Donavynn gets the more he gets out of Christmas and the more he gets out of his gifts. This was the first year that her really got it, we thought he got it last year but it was no where close to the magic we saw this year. Donavynn started out in his own bed last night, but I woke up when Dave got home from work and found that he had snuck in with me! lol He closed his eyes real quick and wouldn't talk to me right away, afraid I would send him off to his own bed. In the morning Cheyenne asked him if he had seen Santa and he said yes then quickly clammed up and covered his mouth like he wasn't supposed to tell! lol It was so cute!

Ok so let me tell you about our Christmas Eve. We went to Nana and Grumpy's for dinner and then headed home to finish up for the night. After we got home I got the kids all ready for bed and then we baked cookies for Santa.








Then we settled in to read 'Twas The Night Before Christmas and we finished up the night by watching Frosty The Snowman. Then it was off to bed! These little traditions are what we treasure and hold so dear. Donavynn was awake at 6:30 this morning and so that meant that so was the rest of the house! lol He was so excited and this was the first year that he didn't need to stop and finish opening presents later in the day! He got Monster Truck Jam for his DS, which is the only thing he really wanted for Christmas and when he opened it up he said "Monster truck...." then his face lit up and he said "GAME!" He was so upset last weekend when we had the early Christmas shopping trip from Williams-Woody Nissan and the only thing he really wanted us to get him was that game and we didn't get it! So it was nice to see his face light up when he saw that. Cheyenne got her much desired laptop from her Grandmother in Georgia. She has been bugging for one and her Grandmother thought it was time since she is needing it more now for school. And the only nice thing about Vista is the v-chip! lol She also got a new comforter and sheet set for her bed as well as lots of clothes and her very first curling iron, which is a little scary! lol Dave also found that Monster Truck Jam is having a marathon on all day so that is what has been on our tv all day and Donavynn has been loving it! So overall it was a great day and we were so happy to be able to spend it at home. And we are so happy that Donavynn is doing so well and staying so strong through all of this! We are so truly blessed to have the wonderful people in our lives that we do and for his strength throughout the storm!

Merry Christmas Everyone!!! I hope yours was as happy as ours!!!

Checked Counts Early

I spoke to Nancy earlier today to see if we could check his counts today, that way we would have extra time to plan and pack etc. So we headed over and had them checked this afternoon, then I took Donavynn home to spend time with Daddy while Rachael and I finished up our Christmas shopping. While I was out I hit up blockbuster for Christmas specials because for some reason the shows we usually can't escape this time of year aren't airing around here until Christmas Eve. So anyway Nancy called while I was out and his ANC is 500. It needs to be 750 for him to be admitted for treatment so provided he stays healthy we will be home for Christmas! YEAH! We will go Monday to have his labs checked again and if he makes counts then he will be admitted on Tuesday. The up side is his platelets jumped back up to 190! Which makes me feel so much better. I worry so much when his platelets are low. So I better get going, gonna finish wrapping gifts and watch the Christmas specials with the family. Just wanted to let everyone know that our Christmas should be a good one, at home with the family the way it should be!

Family Update

I can't believe how fast December is slipping away, how fast the year has slipped away. Though I can't say that I'm sorry to see it go. It hasn't been a great one, something with even numbered years... I'll be more than happy to ring in 2009! With many hopes that things will be better and that Donavynn will stay healthy.

Cheyenne's dad was diagnosed with Burkitt's Lymphoma this past week and so we are sending up prayers for him as well. It's going to be a tough battle but he's strong and we have faith that he can do it!

Donavynn has his first LP since induction yesterday. We were expecting an awful ice storm in the morning so to be safe Donavynn and I went to the city and originally wanted to stay at Ronald McDonald house, however they have an 8 o'clock check in and we wouldn't make it so the social worker told me that the local hotels give a discount to families and so we got a hotel room across from the hospital the night before. But as our luck goes, the storm didn't hit till last night when we were leaving the hospital! lol But either way, Donavynn and I had a great night. Through all of the hardships there is a good thing in all of this, well there are many good things but the one is that Donavynn and I get to spend lots of quality time together, being silly and having fun. He didn't want to leave the hotel, he said "I don't wanna go to the hospital, I wanna stay in this bed, in my pajamas all day!" lol And you would think a 4 year old would be bored out of their mind in a hotel room, but not him, he played hide and seek, played the window sill like a piano, danced in front of the TV, pretended the one pillow was a log etc. He was having a ball! Here are some pictures of our fun stay!

So anyway, his LP went well, but he did end up needing a unit of blood, his hemoglobin was 7.7. His ANC was only 590 and likely will continue to drop (usually drops 7-10 days after Cytoxin). And his platelets were only 65, so that worries me, but I'm hoping that they'll be headed back up soon. Because of him needing blood and the fact that the storm waited for us to be on the road we didn't get home till 8 o'clock last night. But we made it home safe and sound and that is what matters. He is supposed to be admitted Christmas Eve for his next round of HD Methotrexate, but he has to have his counts checked Tuesday and if his ANC isn't 750 or above he can't be admitted. Which normally would suck because it would mean another delay but this time I wouldn't be overly upset as being in the hospital for Christmas will kinda suck. But we're prepared for it and it will be a great Christmas no matter where we spend it, because we will all be together! Here are some more pics...
This is Donavynn after his LP, Elizabeth from Child Life was reading to him during the procedure because I can't bear to stay in with him the one and only time I did was the day of his relapse so I won't be doing that again!

Child Life had a wagon full of presents and this Laughing Snoopy was one of the ones Donavynn got! He loves him!

On another note, school is over for the semester, I go back on January 13th. And I got a 3.81 GPA for the semester so as Rachael would say "Hooty Who!" I made Dean's List again!!! And that is about all for our family news. At least all I can think of right now when I'm half asleep. I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and I'll update again when I find out where we'll be spending our holiday. Hope you enjoyed the pics!

Sorry For The Lack Of Updates

Well it is quiet for the moment so I figured I would post an update since it has been awhile and things are kinda crazy. As I am typing this my family and closest friend are working Donavynn's Pancake Breakfast Benefit. And I am home with Donavynn, Derek and Baby Mason. Donavynn is neutropenic so the big crowd thing wouldn't be a good idea. He started week 2 of this round of treatment with the Cytoxin and Etoposide and he will have his LP on Thursday. And things are good for now. I forgot to mention too, at least I can't remember if I did mention it before. Donavynn got "a-gaged" lol I've told you all about "Lovey" his favorite nurse, well last month he asked her to marry him and even gave her a ring! lol

This week has been a rough one for our family. I can't go into details because I don't have permission for that. But someone very close has just recieved a diagnosis that is going to require the power of prayer.

But other than that things are ok for now. Donavynn is happy as usual and very active. I finished this semester of school, thankfully. I thought it would never end. And it looks like I will likely be making Dean's list again. So that made me happy. I am going to do my best to enjoy the break. Though I know it won't be nearly long enough.

I guess that is all for now, have a great weekend!

New Month, New Round Of Treatment

So we were admitted yesterday. We sat in the clinic from 9am to 7:30pm before we were finally able to get into our room. Apparently they had some really late discharges. Anyway he finished the HD Methotrexate at 6 tonight (it runs over 24 hours) And all last night as well as from now until we leave he'll have to have his urine checked and they want him to go at least every 2 hours. The methotrexate is eliminated through the kidneys so if he doesn't go the levels will build up in his body and can cause burns in his bladder etc. Very scary. But he will start the leucovorin tomorrow which helps the body eliminate it as well. So hopefully we'll be out of here on Sunday, but time will tell. We'll know more when he has his next methotrexate level drawn, that will tell us how fast he is eliminating it.

He has been feeling really good. Playing his DS, riding his scooter up and down the hall and talking up a storm with all the nurses. It is really nice to see him feeling so well during a hospital stay. There really isn't a whole lot else to tell. I have finals on Tuesday and Wednesday and then I'm off until January 12th which will be nice, but it is pretty likely from what I'm being told that much of that will be spent here with low counts. Hopefully they're wrong, but only time will tell. Either way, I'm just happy to be that much closer to graduation. I can't believe I've just about gotten through the semester that I didn't think was possible because he relapsed right after it started. It went fast. I'm praying that the next year goes just as fast with school and that he continues to kick cancer right in the ass. That is what he tells me, "I'm kicking those bad cells in the pants!" lol He just shows me more and more everyday how strong and brave he is. Sometimes I really wish that I had his strength and his spunk! He just lets everything roll of his back, he is cooperative and kind and just so stinking happy all the time! lol I love it! I know that that positive attitude is going to help him out so much through all of this.

Ok well, I apologize but my mind hasn't been all there lately. I haven't been blogging like I usually do. It's just been so crazy and I've been feeling so drained. Hopefully with the break from school that will get better. Please continue to pray that Donavynn stays healthy, and doesn't get any of those nasty mouth sores. Thanks for the love and support.

BTW the benefit is the 13th. Starbucks has donated coffee etc, Bings donated the pancake mix, and everything fell into place very fast. It should be a great Breakfast with Santa!!! If you would like to attend and need further information give me a call. And thank you Rachael so much for all of your help and support in this difficult time.