Week 3 of New Treatment

Clinic went well yesterday. We were actually home before 2 o'clock. I love morning appointments but we don't get them often. He seems to be doing well. His ANC is starting to drop, it is now 3700 down from 9000 a week ago. So we are getting in our last week of fun, we are hoping to go see Beverly Hills Chihuahua and going to Trinity's birthday party this week. But we'll see how he feels. He is very swollen and that makes him out of breath often when he tries to play, which tires him out even more. His crankiness comes and goes, and actually didn't show up at all today. But yesterday morning was rough. He fought me on getting dressed, for the first time, I think ever! I would get one leg in his pants and he would pull it out and scream at me. So that was no fun. But I keep telling myself that it is only 2 more weeks. And I know we are all looking forward to him being off the steroids, but dreading the new phase, just the same. I'm still not sure how the next phase is going to go. I think he'll still have treatment every week with 2, 2 day inpatient stays thoughout that month. I guess we'll find out next week how things are going to go. I am terribly anxious. And though it has been 3 weeks I'm still so heartbroken. People ask how he is doing, how I am doing. My response is, fine. If I go to far into detail about how I am really doing I know I'll cry. I hate seeing my baby endure so much. I am grateful that he can understand things better now. That he knows why he can't eat on LP days and doesn't fight about it, that he understands when his counts are low he can't go anywhere. Those things do make things a little easier. But the questions are heartbreaking and seeing his body change again is hard. Knowing what is to come is hard. Before we were blissfully blind to what was around the next bend and now we know all to well what is in store for us, well mostly.

Anyway, sorry about that... sometimes I just ramble. So as I was saying treatment went well this week. He didn't even cry when they accessed his port this time, not even a little! And he usually cries a lot when they deaccess him but he didn't shed a single tear this time. We kept him talking and focusing on me and Nana and it worked. His courage, strength and bravery amazes me and makes me so proud! I am so blessed to have one of the strongest little fighters as my son! I don't think that our family would be doing so well if he wasn't as brave as he is. His pain breaks our heart but it helps a little when he tells us "It's ok, I'm brave!" It is funny how things work, we keep a brave face to help him and his brave face helps us.