What a year it has been. With many wonderful highs and some heartbreaking lows. I am anything but sorry to see it go. I only hope that 2009 brings about happier times. 2009 was supposed to be a year of celebrations first Donavynn was supposed to complete treatment in June, and then I was to graduate in December. A year worth looking forward to. Though it won't be quiet that great, I am hopeful that it will still have much more to offer than this one has. This year I learned so much! And as bad as some times were I can't complain entirely because 2008 was the year that I met one of my very best friends and I learned that you don't have to know someone your entire life to feel as if they are a part of your family. And that is exactly how we feel about Rachael and her family. Through every up and every down this year, she was there. She was there the day that Donavynn relapsed and she drove me home, we stopped at her house and had her husband follow her down so that she could get home. She was there throughout the summer helping me plan his benefit that we had believed at the time would get us through until he finished treatment. She was pregnant and had to be exhausted and uncomfortable but she was always willing to help. And she did the same with the most recent fundraiser, even though it was held right at the end of finals week! I was able to be there for the birth of her 3 child, her beautiful little boy Mason. And we helped each other through the ups and downs that come with the second semester of nursing school. After we moved here the hardest part for me was being away from all my friends, and it took a while but I found a true blue friend in her. This may sound corny, but walking through life you meet so few people with hearts as good and kind as her and her family. I have however been blessed enough to meet a few others, like my great friend Abbey. It is nice to see that there is still so much good in the world today.
2008 has brought a lot of heartache to our home as most of you know. The uncertainty of Donavynn's health has been of great concern. His relapse tore us all apart. Though we knew that it was possible, by that stage in treatment I just didn't think it was likely, he was doing so well! It brought back all of those old feelings of resentment and anger toward God. Feelings that I hated to feel, but impossible to shake for awhile none the less. I began to wonder, once again why Dave and I had to fight so hard for him only to have him spend his life fighting as well. He has now spent more than half of his life fighting cancer. I wonder how that is fair. Though I know that life isn't fair, you want to think it would be semi fair when it comes to children. You would like to think that they wouldn't have to endure the pain of sickness, or loss etc. But Donavynn isn't the only one who has been fighting this cancer. We have all been fighting it in our own way. Because when your child has cancer, what that really means is that your family has cancer. Nothing is normal, we were so close to that normal life again, we could just about reach it. The light was so bright at the end of that tunnel and in an instant, it all changed again. My husband and I had to reevaluate everything again, my daughter had to hear the news and try to understand why, she had to try to see what that all meant for her and our lives. She has had to be juggled around and be away from home when Donavynn has to stay in the hospital, whether it is for treatment or illness. Thankfully I have 2 wonderful parents who have been a huge help as well. I don't know what we would do without them. And though she is happy there, it still can't be easy to be away from home, all while wondering what is going on with her brother. For awhile I contemplated putting school on hold again. Though I am glad that I didn't. As hard at it has been, it has been my only normal. My time away. And I need that for my sanity's sake. December proved to have another challenge in store for my daughter and her other side of the family. Her dad was just recently diagnosed with Lymphoma and has a difficult path to take now as well. Cheyenne has had to now try to understand why cancer seems to be all around her. It has however, brought her closer to her dad, or at least that is what it seems like to me. So we have been keeping them in our prayers as well. All of this makes you take a step back and really think about what you want to do with your life. It makes you appreciate the little things even more. For example, Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. This year was especially hard to get into the holiday spirit with all that has happened in the last few months. But I went and rented some holiday movies and sat down with the kids and watched them. I made sure to stick with our yearly traditions, started some new ones, and did what we could for others. This Christmas, inspite of or because of all of the pain in our world right now, was one of the best I've ever had. The kids were happy and full of life, their smiles and laughter lit up the rooms and my heart. I think that we all appreciated the little things even more. For the first time in a long time I felt that Christmas magic.
This year brought new babies to many of my friends! As mentioned above Rachael had Mason, Elisa had Hannah and Mandy had Monika. So through all the pain and disappointments there have many so many good things. So many things to be thankful for, that it makes it hard to feel the pain for too long. After Donavynn's relapse, I blogged about needing a moment to break down and feel the pain. And I did, and sometimes I still do. It is natural, and healthy. But I am thankful that I am able to see through all of that to enjoy the blessings that surround me everyday. I can see through it and see that though Donavynn has a long road ahead, longer than we had planned of fighting, he is strong and a true fighter and has responded very well to treatment. This is good. I can see that though my daughter has had to endure more in her 10 years than some do in an entire lifetime, she is strong and every heartbreak and hurdle molds her into the strong, loving woman that she will someday be. I can see that even when I close myself off from everything around me to take time to throw myself a pity party, I have an amazing husband who will be there for me when I'm ready to talk. Who won't take my silence or my screaming personally. Who knows that every now and then I just need to blow up and then I'll be ok. We have learned so much from each other this year, and even more since this journey as Team Donavynn began. His strength and tolerance through it all is awe inspiring. There are days when I can barely tolerate myself lol So I often wonder how he does it! :) He isn't just an amazing, understanding husband but a terrific father. Every year regardless of what obstacles we get over together we are constantly learning about each other, about how to help each other the best, what we each need at any given time etc. Just when you think you know everything there is to know about someone you learn something else. I really think that I should stay away from blogging when I'm this tired, because a start with a few thoughts and end up with a novel full of ramblings. Either way my point is that I'm not sorry to see 2008 go, and I'll be celebrating to the fullest, screaming the loudest I've ever screamed when we ring in 2009, but even with all the bad. There is always good!!! After every storm the sun always comes out to show us what the rain has brought - new life, and with it hope for a better tomorrow.
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